Hares: Toh-Foo, Foot, Flamer, & Decoy

Hash Cash: $20

Oh say, can you beer by the dawns early light

What so proudly we Hamm’d

At the twilight's last drinking?

Whose bud lights and many shots

Through the perilous trail

O'er the fire tower we watched

Were so stupidly drinking?

And the pagodas’ red glare

The car bombs bursting in air

Gave 100 proof through the morning

That our HHHs were still there

O say, does that half-witted hasher yet sway

O'er the land of the hash and the home of the depraved

Cum celebrate ‘Mericas 250th Birthday the bestest way possible.

On-On: Parking area of Bernhardt's Dam

Hash Cash: $5

That's right, kiddies. Those same old goats that brought you the Medicare Hash, The Summer of '69, Still Sexy at 70, and many other hashes are still alive and kicking. In honor of that not-so-small feat, we now present the 'Not Dead Yet' Hash. We can't guarantee we'll make it to the finish, but we'll be around for the start with plenty of beer and cheesy poofs. So come on out and join us. Oh, and if anyone has a portable defibrillator, please bring it along. --Bad Semen

(aka Christmas in July, for those greedy fcks who just can't wait another five months for presents)*

In case you're wondering — yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. Halfway to the Santa Hash. A perfectly reasonable excuse to break out the ugly sweater in July, drink like it's egg-nog season, and run around Douglassville like a bunch of confused elves.

Hares: Cums with Children, International Man of Pleezure

On-On: Morlatton Village Trailhead Douglassville

Hash Cash: $5

Christmas attire encouraged