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Why would we need to learn how to flirt if flirting is a natural skill?
I often get asked this question by journalists. It's a great question.
Social anthropologists tell us that as humans we share many characteristics with other members of the mammal world. We all have a deep primal urge to reproduce. At the same time we have a very large brain which has enabled us to develop our modern way of living. As a result we are at odds with ourselves.
Our deep primal urges have, in some cases, been dampened by the customs that are the offshoots of our own social and scientific development. I think we need to learn how to get back some of our natural skills, to access the best in ourselves so that we can once again naturally begin to emit the signals that say 'I am a ray of sunshine - come bask in my light'.
Politically Correct Pulling?
Are you politically correct (PC). PC is a tool for alleviating the sometimes sensitive meanings attached to language. Men are told not to call women honey or chicks because someone has decided that these words are offensive and make women feel like sex objects. (This begs the question 'who is responsible for your feelings' but that's another story.) Men who are politically correct use the ‘right’ words but underneath, do you think they stop feeling sexual or thinking about sex. Of course they don’t. It’s a primal driver and it’s a very strong force.
Many men who are constantly trying to be correct are in danger of doing so by repressing or disguising their sexuality in an attempt to appear less threatening. This has the effect of signaling to a woman 'I am not a sexual being, I am a neutral man'. One participant on my course, a gorgeous 35 year old man, told me 'I spend so much time being nice to women and trying to be a friend, I feel I am in danger of losing my sexuality'.
Talk to your women friends not him
Don't know about you, but I can spend hours with my women friends discussing life. the universe and relationships. We love analysing our actions to the zth degree. We go into enormous detail about what we feel and we want our girlfriends to share and empathise. And they are brilliant at it. It’s a girlie thing.
Sometimes I’ll be sitting at home alone and decide to ring a girlfriend for no particular reason other than to talk. It’s what women do. I’m learning slowly that it’s not what men do.
Men see the phone as a utility. They make calls to get something done. Sure they will talk on the phone sometimes, but it’s generally not to process every minute detail of some event or to analyse their feelings.
If he is a caring sort of guy and he enjoys your conversation, there will be times when he will listen to you talking and that’s great. Just don’t expect him to do it constantly and don’t expect him to do it like a girlie!
If you want a good gas, call a girlfriend! Your man will appreciate you all the more for it!